Maybe some day!

So yesterday was only 1/2 day for the kids cause of parent teacher interviews in the afternoon. I thought "wow cool, kids will get home early, enjoy their afternoon home, I would stop off at the grocery store to pick up a few things, Scott and I would come home and have a nice evening".

At 1pm I get a phone call from Sarah. She's in tears. Momma I need you. Momma I cry when I think of you. Momma don't make me do this today. Momma come home please I can't stop crying I need you. A good 15 mins passes and all I can say is I know baby but I can't come home. Momma don't go to the grocery store tonight. Momma I need you to come home on the 5 o'clock bus. All I can say is I know baby but I have to go to the grocery store. Now Momma has to work I have to go now baby.
2pm... another phone call same thing all over again
3pm... another phone call same thing all over again.
This time I'm in tears... I can't leave work and run home to her. She has to learn to control this and me being home and running to her would just basically give into her fears and anxiety. By the time the 3rd call happens she's isn't listening anymore and won't let me off the phone. I have to do the worse thing in life... hang up on her or it won't ever stop. Oh god what kind of mother am I... a mother who has a job to do too... everyone around me can hear me... I can't whisper on the phone she's hearing impaired... I can't refuse to pick up the phone what if its an emergency... oh god what am I suppose to do.
Why are these calls coming.. I'm at work.. why is Nanny dialing the number. Stress.. I'm her mother and she's out of control. Nanny will never say she wants this to stop. Nanny will never say I can't take it anymore. Nanny makes the call hoping that I'll be able to calm her down I guess. I'll never know cause you can't talk to Nanny... she won't tell you... she'll never open up about how hard it is but I know how hard it is... I live it too... Nanny gets to her wits end and doens't know what to do... no different then the rest of us.... help is all we want so Nanny dials the phone.
Text to Scott... I can't do this anymore... I need to leave my job... I can't take the stress this is the 3rd day like this in two weeks.... I'm in tears please help me. Scott calls and tells me not to answer the phone... he's right if its an emergency they will call him. Ok I'm feeling better, he's right just ignore the call.
4pm - no call
430 I'm done working... cell phone rings... its home.. ignore it... your on the bus you can't be having that conversation with 50 people listening to you.
5pm... still on the bus... another call... just ignore it... text to Scott.. omg call #2 and I didn't answer it.. what kind of mother am I.
515... at the grocery store... another call... don't answer it.
530... waiting for Scott to meet me.... another call... don't answer it! But my baby needs me. She's in tears.
Scott picks me up and I call her... Momma you hung up on me I only had one more thing to tell you... I need you Momma.
I know baby and then I explain I'm at work and I can't be having these conversations at work please understand baby I didn't want to do it. What Momma, I don't understand what you are saying... its ok baby I'll be home soon... ok Momma I love you. I love you too baby.
545 I walk in the door just like nothing had happened.... we have supper, we deal with the puppy, we talk about school, we watch TV, she plays on the computer, off to bed she goes... exhausted!

I never expected that to happen... I didn't see it coming this time.

Another bad day over a done with... hours of crying for her Momma are done cause Momma's home now.

Not sure how many more days I can do it... but every time we just do it... we make it through the moment and continue on... that's all we can do... maybe some day those days will come further apart and maybe some day those days will disappear and go away for ever... maybe some day she will be able to be a kid!

Maybe some day.