Why haven't I been posting? Well, the answer is not that easy. See its been too stressful... excuse me I know.. me letting stress get to me!!! Yeah hard to believe isn't it.
Well it finally happened... we started a new course for our daughter, it was group therapy for her anxiety and boy did it open a can of pain on us (ok well me!) it made me see what help she really needs, how hard her daily struggles are to fit in, to be like other kids, as she would say "not to be like this anymore"... my heart broke with every therapy, with every time the conversation would come up with her about her fears and to hear it week after week after week.. well I felt like there was no end. Did it help? I sure do hope, things are quiet but not every day no. I was able to get a few days without stress during a very hard time... see my mom almost passed away from a recent surgery and I needed to spend a lot of time away from the kids to be at the hospital in ICU with mom. Sure there were a few rough days of fear from Sarah but after a few days she was able to adjust quicker? Because of the group therapy, sure it might have been. Because of my attitude that this is my mom and no matter what challenges are being dealt with at home Dad you have to step in, I need to be with mom.
Regardless of the reasons all I know is that the past month has been one of the most challenges months on record.
November is never a good month for us, we try to make happy memories but for the past 11 yrs now its been hard.
See Scott and I met 27 yrs ago in Nov. But then 11 yrs ago in Nov his best friend died very suddenly and it was rough, the following Nov we decided to get married after 17 yrs of being together. Good times and bad times we decided to make Nov the month we would make into as much fun as we could. The following year I delivered Sarah, yup.. November but within 2 days we found out we would be travelling down the road of the unknown as she was hearing impaired. We spent the next several years avoiding any Nov problems when this year we didn't... what was suppose to be a routine surgery for my Mom turned into a week in ICU, a ventilator, almost loosing her and now after a week of not being awake to find out she has cancer. Sure as Nov rolls by she's much stronger, home now and recovering so we can face her cancer together as a family.
How can one month be so happy and so sad all at the same time. I can't answer that but all we know is Nov comes and we make the best of it, the best we know how... we celebrate birthday and anniversary and we remember the hard times in Nov and be thankful for what we have....
Maybe November was put in the calender month to remind us (as Thanksgiving is in Nov!) to be thankful for what we have cause it could be gone tomorrow.
Well hopefully now that Dec is coming upon us I have more time, less stress and more energy to write some more.
Well see!
wow!
ReplyDelete